


SDfSH: Tony in Therapy

by literally_no_idea



Series: Service Dogs for Superheroes (SDfSH): Therapy, Bad Days, and Tasks [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Don’t copy to another site, Flashbacks, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Past Drug Addiction, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, SDfSH 'verse, Self-Harm, Service Animals, Service Dogs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 05:06:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19192390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literally_no_idea/pseuds/literally_no_idea
Summary: Tony enters the room with his best press smile on his face, Diva trotting beside him. “Dr. Samara! It’s good to see you. Is that a new hijab? Turquoise is definitely your color.”Dr. Samara smiles. “Observant as always, Tony. But we both know we’re not here to discuss clothing choices. So do you want to tell me how your therapy homework went this week? Did you try talking to Bucky about making more adjustments to his arm?”





	SDfSH: Tony in Therapy

**Author's Note:**

> ...I told myself I would update consistently. I lied.
> 
> Anyway, welcome back to the series, or if you're new here, welcome!
> 
> I would recommend reading the main series first, or at the very least Tony's part of the main series. Tony's part of the main series can be found [ here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17711687).
> 
> Otherwise, enjoy!

Tony enters the room with his best press smile on his face, Diva trotting beside him. “Dr. Samara! It’s good to see you. Is that a new hijab? Turquoise is definitely your color.”

 

Dr. Samara smiles. “Observant as always, Tony. But we both know we’re not here to discuss clothing choices. So do you want to tell me how your therapy homework went this week? Did you try talking to Bucky about making more adjustments to his arm?”

 

Tony’s smile falters, and he drops onto the couch with a sigh, Diva curling up at his feet. “No. I didn’t. What if it comes off as rude? I don’t want him to think that I only see him as a project, not a person.”

 

“This is how you show love, Tony, both platonic and romantic. Your love language is gifts. I don’t think it will come off as rude. But if you’re really worried about that, let’s talk about ways to make your intentions clear.”

 

Tony nods. “Yeah, that’d be good.”

 

“Okay. So, you’re worried it will look like you’re treating Bucky as a project and not a person, right? Maybe when you ask him if you can make adjustments, ask if there’s anything that’s been bothering him with the arm lately, or say that you’d like to make adjustments so it’s even more comfortable for him. Then it’s more obvious that you’re doing this to help him, not just to mess with the arm.”

 

* * *

 

A week later, Tony goes back for his next therapy session. Each person has a different schedule for their appointments; Clint has three hour sessions once a month, Bucky has three hour sessions once a week, Tony has one hour sessions once a week, and so on.

 

Tony walks in with all of his normal confidence and then some, Diva beside him. “Bucky said yes,” he tells Dr. Samara as soon as he enters the room. “But of course he did, who wouldn’t trust a Stark with technology.”

 

Dr. Samara smiles. “That’s great, Tony, I’m really glad you talked to him. How has the rest of your week been?”

 

Tony shrugs, sprawling across the couch, and Diva stretches out on the floor beside him. “Oh, you know, the usual. Partying, inventing, partying, working, partying, have I mentioned partying?”

 

Dr. Samara watches Tony as he talks, notices the way he’s tapping one hand absentmindedly on the arc reactor, other hand patting a rhythm against his thigh. Tony’s looking anywhere besides at Dr. Samara, and he keeps glancing back at the doorway like he’s expecting some to barge in.

 

“You have mentioned that. Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you?” Dr. Samara asks, and Tony frowns at the ceiling.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He’s clearly trying for casual, but his tone comes off more panicky than uninterested.

 

“Uh huh. You’re not looking at me. You want to tell me what you’re afraid of finding if you look at me?”

 

Tony takes a shaky breath. Diva puts his head in Tony’s lap, and Tony plays with Diva’s ears. “It’s nothing. Really.”

 

Dr. Samara watches Tony for a moment. “So, are you scared that I’m going to leave if you tell me the truth? Because I’ll be honest with you, Tony, I’m not going anywhere. And it’s not just because of the big paycheck you give me every time we talk. I’m more invested in your wellbeing than I am in your money.”

 

Tony laughs, turning his head to look at Dr. Samara. “You definitely read me better than even the spies. How do you manage that?”

 

“Stubbornness and years of training and student debt?”

 

“Fair enough.” Tony takes a deep breath. “It’s hard talking to Bucky. I mean, I don’t think he’s a bad person, I can’t really judge him for what he did when he was brainwashed, but. Well, looking at him is like a constant reminder that Steve chose him over me. And I get it, I really do! I would kill for Rhodey, so I get it. But…”

 

“But it’s hard to cope with being directly confronted with the fact that you’re not someone’s first priority,” Dr. Samara finishes for him..

 

“Exactly.” Tony thinks about it for a minute. “It might also have something to do with Howard.”

 

“Yeah? What about him?”

 

Diva climbs all the way into Tony’s lap, and Tony wraps an arm around the dog. “When I see Bucky, I see the video. And it’s not even that I’m mad at him for it anymore. I'm really not. But I just remember hearing the news and wishing that…” Tony sniffs, trying to hold back his tears.

 

“I wish my mom had stayed home. If it was just Howard, I think I could have been okay. Hell, I might have been even better than before. But losing my mom tore me apart. I needed her, and then she was just gone. And I wish I could have confronted my dad. I don’t know, there’s just something there.” Diva’s fallen asleep on Tony’s chest, snoring lightly. Tony has no intention of moving him.

 

“If I could take a guess, I’d say you would have wanted closure. Proof that your dad knew what he’d done was wrong, proof that you weren’t just imagining things.”

 

Tony nods. “Yeah. Exactly. But it’s not like I can just complain about him now. Not when Steve cared so much about him. Not when Bucky still feels so guilty for what happened.”

 

“Unfortunately, we’re coming to the end of our session, so here’s my homework for you. Think about what you’d want to tell Steve and Bucky, if you could be totally honest with them. Write that down somewhere, and bring it back next session so we can talk about it, and maybe we can figure out a way to tell them what you want to say while making it as easy as possible for you to say it and for them to hear it.”

 

Tony nods again. “Yeah, okay. Thanks, Mona.”

 

“Anytime, Tony. I’m not going anywhere. Well, I’m leaving the room right now, but I’ll be back next week, and the week after that.” Dr. Samara leaves, and Tony drops his head on the couch, opting to just lay there for a little while before moving again.

 

* * *

 

Diva jumps into Tony’s lap while Tony’s in a Stark Industries meeting, sitting on Tony’s lap and resting his head on the table in front of them, and Tony sighs, because first of all, he’s doing fine, and second, Diva’s not supposed to put his head on tables, which means Diva’s having one of his bad days.

 

“Sorry, folks, but apparently we need to call it a day. Do what you can without me, and Pepper, you can send me notes of what I need to do?”

 

Pepper nods. “Not a problem. We’ll see you later, Tony.”

 

Tony points down at the floor. “Off, Diva.” Diva hops off his lap, and Tony stands, doing up the second button of his suit. “Folks.”

 

He leaves, Diva bumping against his leg affectionately as they walk, and Tony shakes his head. “You’re a completely dork, and your name is appropriate. Let’s go home and eat ice cream. I haven’t had a sundae in a while.” Diva seems perfectly content with that idea.

 

* * *

 

Task: nightmare/night terror intervention

 

_ “Stark! Help!” Steve’s voice calls through the coms. “We’re cornered down here!” _

 

_ “On my way!” Tony yells back, and he tries to move the suit, tries to look around, but everything is dark, and he can’t move, the HUD isn’t working, and there’s stars above him, and no, no, Tony has to get back down there, he has to help, he has to, he has to help them-- _

 

_ He’s falling. The stars are getting farther and farther away, and Tony can’t move, he can’t get the suit to respond, he’s suffocating, he’s running out of air, he can’t die, he was supposed to help, he was supposed to make things right-- _

 

Tony wakes up, scrambling back until his back hits the headboard of his bed. He’s hyperventilating, because  _ he can’t get enough air in, he needs air, _ and then there’s something on top of him, and he flails for a moment before he recognizes the something that just tackled him. Diva.

 

Tony clings to the dog, wraps his arms around Diva’s middle and pulls him closer, and Diva goes willingly, drops into Tony’s lap and licks Tony’s elbow while Tony tries to calm down. It takes about seven minutes for Tony to let go of Diva, and another three for him to really process his surroundings, silence the screaming voice in the back of his head that tells him he’s in danger.

 

When Tony’s finally calmed down, he collapses back onto the bed, curling back under the covers. Diva lays down beside him, and Tony rests one arm over Diva’s chest, falls asleep to Diva’s steady heartbeat.

 

Task: guiding from environment

 

Tony’s at a charity event, a gathering of multiple charities to explain their cause and try to raise money, and he’s wandering the room with Diva in his harness beside him, holding loosely onto the pull strap on Diva’s harness to help keep him grounded. He’s talking to other potential benefactors when the topic comes up.

 

“It’s really unfortunate,” one of the people Tony’s talking to says, “The World Organisation Against Torture doesn’t get enough credit for their work. They do so much to help survivors of torture, especially when so many torture survivors are afraid to reach out and get help.”

 

“Exactly,” someone else says, “Can you imagine that? Being tortured and not knowing where to turn?”

 

Tony feels sick. Sure, he never told anyone what happened in Afghanistan, there’s no way that the people he’s talking to could know what effect their words are having. But Tony has the distinct image of being drowned in his head, the unshakeable cold of the cave, the way that even standing by a fire didn’t help, not when he had to be so careful that the metal in his chest didn’t burn his skin.

 

Tony vaguely registers movement, but he doesn’t fully process what’s happening until he’s standing in front of the door leading out of the event, the doorman staring at him in confusion.

 

“Mr. Stark? Are you alright?”

 

Tony shakes his head to clear it, then looks at the doorman, smiling. “Of course. I just realized that I have something I forgot to take care of back in my workshop. If you’ll excuse me.”

 

He lets Diva lead him out of the building and back to the car. Tony turns the car on, leaving it in park and turning the heater and heated seats up and climbing into the backseat with Diva, laying down across the backseat and trying to breathe.

 

“Good job,” he tells Diva a little while later, moving both of them to the front seat and driving home. “Thanks for getting me out of there, kiddo.”

 

The next day, Tony donates a million dollars to each of the organizations that was present at the event, and sends his apologies to each of them for leaving so soon. Just because he has his own issues doesn’t mean he’s going to ignore other people’s.

 

Task: anger intervention

 

Tony can handle a lot of things, but eventually, he snaps. Certain things are more likely to piss him off than others; being told he’s not good enough, being told he’s nothing without the suit, when other people are threatened, when other people are put in danger because of someone else’s carelessness, when people he cares about almost die because of their own carelessness.

 

The latter is what pisses Tony off today. “Don’t fucking start,” he warns Peter, but of course the boy doesn’t listen.

 

“Mr. Stark, you don’t understand--”

 

“No!  _ You _ don’t understand. Do not fucking pretend to know what you’re doing. Christ, kid, you need to think before you act! I know you meant well, but you could have died. You know that, right? You realize how dangerous what you did was?” Diva nudges at Tony’s hip. Tony ignores him.

 

Peter grits his teeth. “And what was I supposed to do? Just stand back and watch it happen? I wasn’t going to let people die!” Araneus blocks between the two of them, looking at Tony.

 

Tony’s going to respond when Diva gets in a particularly strong nudge, and he’s left stumbling back a step, Diva pressing his weight against Tony’s legs to keep him back. Tony huffs.

 

“Fine! I’m walking away, because I shouldn’t be here right now. I’m leaving. We’ll talk later.”

 

Tony leaves, Diva a half step behind him to make sure he doesn’t turn back, and they go down to Tony’s workshop.

 

Later, when Tony’s calmed down, he thinks back over his conversation with Peter, and feels like shit for it. JARVIS tells him that Peter is still on the communal floor, so Tony heads up there to make apologies, and to get Diva some treats, because Diva did a great job, and he deserves a reward for that.

 

Task: deep pressure therapy (DPT)

 

Tony can’t sleep. Which, in itself, isn’t unusual, but it’s gotten easier with Diva’s help. So when Tony tosses and turns for two hours and still can’t sleep, he sighs, rolling over to lay on his back. “Diva, happy,” he says, and Diva moves across the bed, drapes himself over Tony with a gentle, huffing breath.

 

Tony laughs. “Yeah, I know, I’m so demanding, I’m going to disturb your beauty sleep, huh?” He pats Diva’s side. “Thanks, bud.”

 

Task: blocking

 

For the most part, Tony can take care of himself, both in and out of the suit. Sure, he doesn’t have quite the same graceful skill of Natasha, Clint, Matt, or Danny, or the sheer strength of Steve, Bucky, Luke, or Jessica, but he can hold his own in a fight.

 

This does not, however, apply when Tony’s in a not-strictly-dangerous situation. And this is not, strictly, a dangerous situation. It’s just an NA meeting, because Tony had decided years ago to give up any other drugs, even if he kept drinking.

 

Drinking was one thing; for the most part, he could limit himself. But some of the drugs he’d done at parties over the years had stuck, and it had been hard for Tony to shake them. Fighting the urge can still be difficult.

 

The sit down part of the meeting is over, people just wandering around drinking juice and eating pastries while they talk, and Tony is talking to a nonbinary person who had introduced herself as Gina when Diva steps away from Tony’s side, standing behind him instead.

 

Tony turns to find a woman frowning down at Diva. “Sorry,” Tony says, “part of his training. PTSD sucks.”

 

The woman’s expression softens, and she nods. “Yeah, that’s fair. Didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

 

Tony turns to include the woman in the conversation, and he scratches Diva behind the ears for doing a good job.

 

Task: counterbalance

 

Tony’s not always steady on his feet. Once upon a time, he would have joked about too many drugs, but if he’s being completely honest with himself, he just tends to be unsteady due to anxiety or lack of sleep, and without drugs as a cover, his excuse now is the damage from the arc reactor. It’s not strictly true, though any potential damage from the arc reactor does tend to cause him anxiety.

 

Regardless of the reason, it helps for Tony to have something steadying his gait. Attached to Diva’s harness is a soft, semi-rigid handle that Tony uses from time to time, when he’s feeling particularly unsteady on his feet.

 

He holds onto the handle as they walk into SHIELD headquarters for a briefing, and as he starts to lean to one side, Diva leans the other way, helping to keep Tony walking upright. Tony scratches the top of Diva’s head in thanks as they settle down in the meeting room, Diva curling up at his feet.

 

Task: anxiety alert/response

 

Life is never easy as a public figure, even less so as a public superhero on a team of public superheroes. Someone (or more accurately, multiple someones) shoot at them while they’re all out to dinner at a Chili’s. Fucking typical. At least they’d rented out the restaurant so the only civilians were the staff.

 

Still, one of the staff members had gotten injured and needed to be rushed to the hospital. When the fight had begun, once the animal’s nanosuits had been activated, Steve had given Jessica Tony’s keys so she could grab the limo while the rest of them fought. Tony had protested this fact, but Rhodey wasn’t there to back him up, so it didn’t become evident why until they were piled in the limo headed to the hospital, Jessica driving.

 

Diva started alerting as soon as Tony climbed in the back, and Bruce frowned.

 

“Tony, are you okay?” he asked, and Tony shook his head, hands tapping a weak, stuttering rhythm against his sides.

 

“Cars, I can’t… I always drive,” he gasped out between breaths, and he patted his lap, Diva hopping up and licking his face to try and keep him focused on something else.

 

“What…?” Clint starts, but Natasha swears.

 

“Damn it. I should have realized. His parents. The Hummers in Afghanistan. The race car.”

 

Bucky pales. “Can we help him at this point?”

 

Sam shakes his head. “No. He’ll recover when the car stops. He’s already too far in at this point, and Diva’s his best chance to feel better. If we interact before the car stops, we’ll make it worse.”

 

They pull Tony out of the car when they stop at the hospital, and Bruce stays with him, Diva in Tony’s lap and Smash in Bruce’s, until Tony recovers enough to join everyone else inside.

 

Task: summoning help

 

He should have been fine. He knows that, logically, but it doesn’t stop the emotional response he had anyway. He’d fucked something up in the workshop, accidentally covered himself in a flammable substance, and needed to wash it off, quick.

 

He has a shower in the workshop, specifically for that purpose, but it’s not programmed the way the one in the bathroom on his floor is, and he needs to scrub his face clean too, so he doesn’t have a choice, but it sends him into flashbacks anyway.

 

_ There’s hands holding his head underwater, hands on his shoulders keeping him on his knees in front of the bucket. When they let his head up, he splutters, gasps in air as fast as he can, doesn’t beg or plead. At least, not at first. _

 

_ Somewhere around the forty minute mark he starts begging for them to stop, begs for mercy. Yinsen translates for him, tells him that the response is “This only stops one of two ways. Compliance, or death.” _

 

_ They dunk him for the next forty minutes, until he finally agrees to their demands, and by the time it’s over, he’s shivering, flinching every time water drips from his hair onto the skin around the reactor. _

 

“Christ, Tony, breathe!”

 

Tony opens his eyes, finds bright blue ones staring back at him, and it takes him a moment to figure out why that’s important. Right. Because none of his captors in Afghanistan had those. But he knows a few people in the tower that do, and only one that he granted full access to the lab.

 

“I’m sorry,” he gasps out, and Bucky lets go of him, shoulders slumping in relief.

 

“At least you’re back with me now. Damn it, Tony, I’ve been avoiding heart attacks from Steve’s crazy bullshit for years, do I have to add you to that list?”

 

Tony laughs. “Really? You haven’t added me by now?”

 

“Well, maybe. But that’s besides the point. Are you okay?”

 

Tony nods. “Yeah, just. Flashbacks, you know? Diva come get you?”

 

Bucky nods. “Yeah. Do me a favor, have JARVIS send him to Steve instead? I’m too old for this shit.”

 

Tony laughs. “Yeah, sure grandpa. Now give me a hand up? You might have over 60 years on me, but my joints aren’t getting any younger.”

 

Task: providing rescue medication

 

Tony doesn’t use medications consistently; he drinks alcohol a little too often for that to be safe. He does, however, have anxiety medication that he can take as needed. He doesn’t take it if he’s been drinking recently, but it does help on occasion.

 

Today is one of those days, because a conversation with Clint had gotten a little dark when Clint mentioned how his father was abusive, and Tony, decently sleep deprived and vulnerable, had started thinking about Howard, and it had spiraled from there.

 

Tony’s curled up on the floor of his closet, shaking, when Diva brings his medication bottle to him, dropping it in Tony’s lap. Tony puts one of the pills under his tongue, letting it dissolve, and he hugs Diva. “Good job, kid.”

 

Task: forward momentum

 

Almost as often as Tony needs Diva for counterbalance, he also needs him to help Tony walk. Tony finds himself exhausted more often than he’d like to admit, and even just walking can be a struggle. Along with the counterbalance handle on Diva’s harness is a pull strap, a soft strip of fabric that Tony holds onto.

 

On another trip to a children’s hospital, Tony finds himself too tired and distracted to focus on walking, so he holds onto the pull strap, Diva gently pulling him along so he doesn’t have to focus as much on just walking.

 

When they reach the room that they’re going to stay in for a while, Tony lets go of the pull strap, petting Diva’s head in thanks as he settles into a chair in the room.

 

Task: grounding in dissociation

 

It’s too hot. That’s what Tony reflects on as he lays on the beach, the rest of the team playing in the water. He’d wanted to argue about coming out here in the first place, because sand and heat and water are all things he’s not a fan of, but everyone had looked so excited to come here that Tony hadn’t had the heart to say no.

 

So here he is, laying on hot sand, trying to figure out which is worse, the sand or the water. The water, he decides, because at least he can’t drown on the sand. But the memories are making him dissociate, and he keeps missing chunks of time or he sees himself as if in third person, as if he’s not actually in his own body.

 

Then Diva walks over and lays down beside him, licking Tony’s face, and that helps. It helps Tony feel like he’s actually part of the world, actually in his own body. He gives Diva belly rubs as Diva keeps licking his face, and he giggles when Diva licks his ear.

 

“Gross,” he tells the dog, but Diva shows no signs of caring, and Tony can’t say that he’s upset about it.

 

Task: self harm interruption

 

Tony knows he should have stopped ten glasses of scotch ago. He chooses to keep drinking anyway, working on a few new specialty arrows for Clint.

 

He’s humming to himself, using a screwdriver to adjust the finer mechanisms in the arrow points, and he doesn’t even realize he’s bouncing the point of the screwdriver against his wrist until Diva comes up and shoves his elbow, knocking the screwdriver out of Tony’s hand.

 

“What the hell?” Tony asks, words slurring together, and then he sees the tiny indent on his wrist where the screwdriver’s been hitting it, how if he keeps going much longer he’ll actually pierce the skin.

 

“Whoops,” he mumbles, then sighs. “Okay, fine, it’s time for bed. Thanks, Diva.”

 

Diva stays a few steps behind him as they leave the workshop, like he’s trying to make sure Tony doesn’t turn back or accidentally pick something else up, and Tony ignores it, just heads to bed and crawls in without bothering to change clothes or take off his socks.

 

He falls asleep to the sound of Diva snoring.

**Author's Note:**

> Some notes, random facts, etc:
> 
> -Tony absolutely pays off Dr. Samara's student debts, as well as all the other therapists and doctors everyone else sees. It's subtle though, because he doesn't want any of them to feel bad/indebted to him in some way.
> 
> -I absolutely do not approve of Tony yelling at Peter. I feel like I have to say this, because this comes up a lot in fandom circles. Tony's actions are explained, but not excused, by his PTSD. This is one of the things he (and many of the others with anger/aggression issues) have to work through in therapy.
> 
> -In therapy, Tony stims with his hands a lot, tapping on the arc reactor, his legs, etc. While stimming is commonly associated with positive emotions (such as people flapping their hands or bouncing on their feet when happy or excited), stimming can also occur as a result of negative emotions. Personally, I tend to rock side to side when I'm happy, and back and forth when I'm anxious. It's just one of those things.
> 
> -Deep pressure therapy (DPT) can be used for a lot of things! It's commonly associated with anxiety, but it can also be used to aid people with insomnia, pain, dissociative tendencies, sensory issues, and more!
> 
> -Blocking is a task that service dogs are often taught to do independently, meaning they determine on their own when to do this task. They can also be given a cue to do so, and many dogs learn to do it both on command and independently.
> 
> -Counterbalance is really neat, because basically, if you're the kind of person who tends to sort of almost fall over when you're walking because you're leaning to the side (like I do a lot), you hold onto the counterbalance handle and your dog will lean the other way to re-correct how you're walking and keep you upright.
> 
> Bruce/Hulk's dog being named Smash and the original concept for this series comes from AO3 user [ thingswithwings ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingswithwings/pseuds/thingswithwings) and their story [ "Five Ways to Get In Touch with Your Inner Mild-Mannered Scientist" ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/429749?view_adult=true)
> 
> With all that said, if you want to talk to me about this series or anything else, or want to see other drabbles and notes related to this series, you can find me on tumblr [ here](https://servicedogsforsuperheroes.tumblr.com/)
> 
> As always, thank you for reading!


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